discouraged ... is this a part of it?

I went to my oral surgeon on Friday to have him look at a spot on my surgical incision that wasn't healing properly. He told me that it looked like it was headed in the right direction and was no longer draining, so nothing to do. He said that I have another salivary gland that is stopped up to the size of a BB, but it is not worth taking out or cutting on me again. 

I asked him about my swelling and if it will go away and if so how long will it take? He told me that he cannot give a definitive answer to either question. Really? So we don't know if it will EVER go away? In the back of my mind (the logical part) I know that it will and that it is just swollen due to all of the infections and surgeries I have had. But the emotional side of me is scared to death that it will never be the same. That side of my face has YET to be the same size as the other (as you can see by the very first pics I posted 7 days post op). So of course, I spent my weekend stressing, worrying, googling, taking pictures, analyzing, and studying the mirror. I'm driving myself nuts, and yet I can't help it. At some points I have felt ready to cry, and I don't cry easily. I've been through a lot these past 5 months, and I think I am near my breaking point. I do not know how much more bad news I can take before I break. I've been strong (too strong), and now it is starting to overwhelm me. 

Has anyone ever felt this way? I've endured a lot of pain and cosmetic embarrassment throughout the healing process, and I can't face the idea of there being an imperfection there after all of this effort, time, pain, and money. Will it go away? Why won't he tell me for sure? What can I do to make the swelling disappear??

saw my new endodontist

Since my last post, I have seen my new endodontist twice. First thing I must say is that i absolutely adore him. He has some of the best bedside manners that I have ever experienced (and I've seen a lot of doctors). He is extremely thorough, takes his time, and ensures that you understand fully what condition you have. 

He believes my second molar to be fine. He thinks that my original root canal tooth is still the problem. After the first visit, he put me on a round of antibiotics for 10 days. He suggested that after the antibiotics, if I was still swollen he would retreat the tooth. I went back to see him last week following my antibiotics, and I had drainage at my surgical site. It had been two weeks since surgery, and therefore drainage (especially while having been on antibiotics) was extremely unusual. He said that he was very concerned  (although I am an unusual case). He spoke with my oral surgeon for about twenty minutes while I was in the exam room. They decided that the next course of action would be to take me off of the antibiotics entirely and reevaluate in 1 week. He told me that if I am still draining and/or swollen, he will retreat the tooth. After the tooth is retreated, if I am STILL draining and/or swollen, I will have to see my oral surgeon to discuss pulling the tooth & draining the cheek. 

Needless to say, I am not out of the woods yet and I am not through my journey. For those of you reading this and second guessing your orthognathic surgery, let me encourage you. After all of the trauma I've endured, I still do NOT regret my decision to undergo surgery. I was so self conscious about my overbite, that I would do this over again in a heartbeat. 

it has been awhile...new problems arising

It's been quite awhile since I have blogged on here, and I apologize to those of you who follow this. Since my last post, quite a bit has happened. 
      Shortly after my second surgery involving removal of plates, an abscessed tooth was discovered. I was sent to an endodontist and was subjected to a root canal. I was told that the tooth died due to the trauma from my surgeries. I thought this was the end to my swelling and "lump", but I was wrong.
      I assumed that my swelling would gradually subside, but after about 2 months following my initial root canal visit, I was still swollen. There were days when I was just as swollen as I was prior to the root canal, and then there were days when I was barely swollen and you hardly noticed. I finally decided to make call to my oral surgeon. He sent me to the endodontist, who ensured me that the root canal was successful. I noticed on her new x-ray that I had a big dark spot connected the the root of the adjacent tooth. When I pointed it out to her, she told me that it hadn't changed from any of the other x-rays, and so she wasn't concerned. I proceeded to visit my oral surgeon. He discovered that I had an infected salivary gland, which commonly develop as a result of biting your incision site when you can't feel it. He also noticed the dark spot on my tooth. 
      I asked my orthodontist to look at his recent x-ray, and he too saw the dark spot and was concerned. So I, my oral surgeon, and my orthodontist were all concerned about the dark spot, but the one in business of selling root canals wasn't? It didn't make sense.
      Anywhoo, I was put on another dose of clindamycin, and surgery was scheduled to remove/drain the salivary gland. This surgery took place on Thursday, 4 days ago. My salivary gland was HUGE, the size of a marble. However, I must still see another endodontist for a second opinion on both the success of my root canal, and the adjacent tooth that appears to be abscessed. It is quite possible that the infection in the original tooth spread to the one next to it. And IMO, the dark spot had grown, as I had seen it on the very first x-ray taken by my dentist. 
      So needless to say, my orthognathic journey is FAR from over. I will post another update following my visit with the new endodontist. I'm guessing I will need a second root canal, which my insurance won't cover. Hence, I will be purchasing a supplemental policy that does not have a waiting period...
      Please feel free to post comments or questions!